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changing the communication method or timing. | implementing a pause or reflective practice. |
changing the communication method or timing. | implement a pause with reflective practice. |
introduce novelty | |
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If I use my phone at night too long, leaving it downstairs instead. | Continuing to leave the phone and replacing with preferred activity? |
introduce a visual script | positive interactions |
Give self a vocal reminder to seek their perspective and why they may see it or feel it that way. | Collect data via self monitoring |
changing context | Can start with a causal conversation, then suggest some positive comments related to the topic |
move things | add novelty |
Have parent sandwich suggestions between two positive comments. Or have some phone conversations with only positive conversations on problem conversations | Practice responses with the adult |
Avoiding arguing | Reduce confrontation |
Schedule calls while standing or walking instead of sitting, or place a sticky note nearby that says “Pause first.” Changing the physical setup can interrupt the automatic defensive response. | Teach and reinforce a brief pause strategy (e.g., take one breath before responding) and differentially reinforce calm, reflective responses while placing defensive responses on extinction. |
Talking with parent in person | Offering some type of reward for non-defensive comments |
ask more questions | |
Arrange the environment | |
Change the context by having the conversation at the adult’s favorite restaurant or coffee shop instead | Arrange more dinners or coffee dates together |
Pause, take 5 breaths, ask open-ended questions about what the parent is looking for. | Think about how more effective collaboration with the parent can help to have better outcomes for the client which will be better for the client and easier for you in the long-run, less response cost if you will in your job. |
pause and count to 5 | Practice paraphrasing what you have just heard before you respond with your own thoughts, ideas or reaction |
Making a new goal-directed to support the motivation for what you want to achieve. | Optimizing engagement by making sure the new response Is preferred by the learner. |
Places a visible cue near the phone (sticky note, lock-screen text, bracelet, etc.) | Places a visible cue near the phone (sticky note, lock-screen text, bracelet, etc.)Train a fixed first response such as: “Okay, tell me more about what you’re seeing.” |
Change the Response Format Introduce a Reflect-Back Rule. Before giving any opinion, the adult must first say: “So you’re saying ___?” This forces listening mode instead of defense mode. It inserts cognitive processing between trigger and reaction. | Once automatic behavior has been disrupted and the person is operating in goal-directed mode, you can implement interventions that reduce response strength and future response probability. Reinforce the replacement behavior instead of the old response. Example: Instead of defensive reacting → reinforce calm acknowledgment. Instead of junk food → reinforce walking past kitchen. Instead of scrolling → reinforce lights-out compliance. Why it works: 2️⃣ Extinction (Remove Reinforcing Consequence) If the habit is maintained by: Attention Emotional discharge Sensory reward Escape Then remove that payoff. Examples: Defensive tone no longer ends the conversation. Junk food no longer accessible. Social scrolling blocked after certain time. When reinforcement drops, response rate decreases over time. (Important: Expect temporary extinction burst.) 3️⃣ Response Effort Increase Make the old habit slightly harder. Behavioral economics principle: Examples: Phone in another room Junk food stored high or out of house TV remote in drawer Social apps require password re-entry Small friction = measurable drop in frequency. 4️⃣ Response Cost (If Appropriate) Introduce a mild loss contingency tied to the unwanted response. Example: If scrolling past 10:30 → lose next day streaming time. If defensive tone → conversation ends. Used cautiously — best when clear and consistent. 5️⃣ Competing Response Training Train a physically incompatible response. Example: When urge to defend → hands flat on table + slow breathing. When urge to snack → hold water bottle and sip. Incompatible responses reduce motor pattern recurrence. 6️⃣ Habit Reversal Components Classic sequence: Awareness training Competing response Social support Reinforcement Very effective for automatic behaviors. 7️⃣ Stimulus Control Tightening Once goal-directed behavior emerges, refine cues. Example: Bed only for sleep. Kitchen closed ritual. Calls only in specific setting. Reduce stimulus generalization of old habit. The Core Principle To decrease response rate long term, you must: Reduce reinforcement for the old behavior That shifts response allocation naturally. |
Alter the mode of meeting to be either in-person giving feedback with modeling of the recommended procedure in real time. | Minimize choice making, minimize response effort, positively reinforcing the replacement behavior, |
When parent begins to hint at a problem, adult could purposely change the topic of conversation | |
Pause, and call back | |
Prepare for feedback ahead of time | Consider response effort |
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