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Have the parents write concerns or suggestions down and read them prior to meeting | Self reflect why your response is defensive |
have a parent meeting in person | reinforcing communication |
Restate the feedback to make sure understand the feedback. Wait 1-2 minutes to think about the feedback and then respond. | Pausing before responding. |
Ask intent prior to discussion | Reinforce positive responding |
Un adulto tiene el hábito de responder automáticamente a la defensiva cuando el padre hace una sugerencia o insinúa un problema durante sus conversaciones telefónicas. | |
Try responding with repeating what they are saying first. | Get into the habit of reinforcing or asking a question first. |
Talk in person and not over the phone | Provide reinforcement for any topic in the direction of the suggested behavior |
Teach the adult to ask the parent a question | As the parent to meet for a meal |
Take a short box breath. 3 seconds in 3 seconds hold and 3 seconds out before responding and giving the responder time to make a more appropriate thought out response. | With practice, it could reduce the incidence of feeling defensive/upset and rather they are able to think of an appropriate response without breathing |
Immediately states one positive thing | Goal to increase positive statements |
Have them write out the response | Write responses |
start with a positive response. | |
Don't discuss important topics on the phone | Consider taking time and calming before responding |
Use email | I'm not sure |
Ask how that would help to gain insight and delay responding or respond with "thank you for the suggestion" | positive reinforcement through a DRA for positive interactions/responses |
Send messages about problems of concern. | replacement behavior |
making suggestions via email | continue using written feedback to avoid any defensiveness |
Change tghe dleivery | fading |
introduce an interruptive phrase like, I can see why that would feel important. | Taking deep breaths and thinking of how the person could be trying to help. |
Predetermine a competing behavior to redirect yourself to help avoid responding automatically. | Asking for the parent to hold to take some deep breaths can help promote more time in between their aversive suggestion and your response. Maybe asking questions for them to elaborate more to gain more understanding of their perspective, etc. |
Asking a question | |
Before responding, take a deep breath and create a script - say to yourself, they are only trying to help | Consistently use the deep breath and script every time for 2 weeks |
Write down the suggestion or hint to think before responding | |
use a specific statement upon hearing that- e.g., "Tell me more about that" | active listening and summarizing back what was said, without making any promises or changes yet |
Meet in person to talk rather than on the phone | Pair defensive remark with punishment |
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