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Plan phone calls for a preferred time of day, and/or location. Plan to have a treat while talking to them. Schedule phone conversations. | Provide replacement behavior, in the form of alternative responses such as "I hear you", or "interesting idea" and/or teach learner to redirect the conversation by saying "Let's talk about that later/in person" etc |
sending email instead of phone conversation | prompt and reinforcement of the appropriate response ( accepting the hint) from parents. |
Try having the conversations in person to read each others facial expressions | Identify the defensive remarks, identify the motive for the defensiveness and reword the remark to better problem solve and work as a team to improve |
ask for their opinion in person | tell me |
listen no respone | rehearsal |
new smell | adding value |
Introduce a brief, planned pause before responding during phone calls, such as taking one slow breath or silently counting to three when a suggestion is heard. This small interruption changes the response context, slows the automatic defensive reaction, and creates novelty that allows goal-directed responding to occur. | Teach and reinforce an alternative, low-effort response (e.g., a neutral acknowledgment like “I’ll think about that”) and differentially reinforce its use. By providing a simple replacement response with a more favorable outcome (reduced conflict, smoother conversations), the rate of defensive responding is likely to decrease over time. |
Switch the phone to speaker and stand up or walk while listening before responding. | Use Motivational Interviewing (e.g., reflective listening and values-based questions to reduce defensiveness and increase flexible responding). |
na | na |
Replace the defensive reaction with a non-habitual phrase. | Differential Reinforcement of Alternative Behavior (DRA). |
Talk in person | Reminder next to name |
parent can call for a different reason to interrupt | disruption |
include novelty of having a location to step away and grab a glass of water prior to continue | set new goal for different interaction |
Once parent makes suggestion take a deep breath before responding | DRA |
Learn to label “parent is making a suggestion.” Ask parent: “are you making a suggestion?” | “I will listen to your suggestion but I might not accept it.” Be able to speak up and say “I don’t want a suggestion right now, thank you for listening to my problems.” |
repeat the suggestion and then change the subject | change the subject then address the suggestion in person |
The adult can practice a habitual response to this when their parent makes a suggestion or hints at a problem. | practicing specific ways to communicate with their parent. |
just say no at first, then consider your parents advice(s) | set up a token plan |
count to 10 first | |
Teach adult to use emotional regulation strategies | |
ask more intentional questions | increase novelty |
When the parent says a comment, the adult should point out something in the environment until the feeling passes. | Ask the parent to tell them what they are looking to hear. |
Change context to positive responding when suggestions are presented. | Increase reinforcement for goal-directed behaviors. |
Have them practice asking clarifying questions when they identify feeling defensive. | They can listen to the responses and consider if what they are being told could be useful to them. |
Give reasons why for current and past responding. Ask further novel questions such as what they’d like to see and why. | Saying things like “when we talked about this last time, we agreed we would…” |
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