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change the tone of response from defensive to accepting suggestions | provide choices |
call out defensiveness response before making suggestion and prepping the person to remember what they said they wanted | role play or increase practicing |
bere acqua | rinforzi sociali |
Trying continuing the conversation at a later time and arrive at a pre-planned alternative response. | increase response effort |
address in person | practice making i statements |
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don't hint at a problem | |
Have hard conversations face to face | Sandwich method for feedback |
have a visual support with phrases adult can you when they notice their nervous system getting activated so that they can use this a replacement behavior vs getting defensive | a self-management system can be used for this |
communicate by e-mail | |
put the phone on mute | start asking at the beginning of the conversation about any concerns so you can address them as you speak instead of arguing as they arise |
when this happens, ask a follow up question about the suggestion or concern | ask the parent what is working well and build on that to address the issues |
change the mode of conversation or ask if politely that they respond in 20 mins or so. | have the adult remind themselves that it is not a personal attack, count to 10 before responding, practice a couple of thought out sentences for responding to situations like this. |
Try asking a question instead of being defensive | Looking at ways to positively respond to the problem |
Say something positive | Add value to the choice |
Change the physical context by taking the phone call in a completely different environment, such as outdoors while walking or in a room never used for these calls.Place a novel item, like a specific "calm down" sticker or a family photo, in front of you during the call to serve as a visual stimulus that interrupts automatic defensiveness. | Introduce a new "value" or reward for non-defensive responses, such as a self-imposed "point system" where a calm interaction earns a specific reward later that day. |
Coach the adult to develop a new response of always smiling and responding with something positive (e.g., "I like how invested you are in figuring this out!") | Practice |
adult pauses and take a dip of water before continuing the conversation | adult could respond by paraphrasing the parent's concern |
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Set up a contingency | |
Meet with parents in person. | Reinforce for positive respronses |
Review what’s going well first | set up regular calls |
do a puzzle while on the phone like a Rubix cube or tetris | bring up different topics and redirect the conversation when needed |
Im not sure | Im not sure, need help |
Plan phone calls for a preferred time of day, and/or location. Plan to have a treat while talking to them. Schedule phone conversations. | Provide replacement behavior, in the form of alternative responses such as "I hear you", or "interesting idea" and/or teach learner to redirect the conversation by saying "Let's talk about that later/in person" etc |
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