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first talk about a positive, then ask if ok to talk about a problem | thank the person for talking about the positive situation and for being receptive to talking abut the probke, |
Tell yourself to say, Ok I will think about that before saying anything else. Or tell the person, you need to think about it and will call you back. | Maybe try texting instead of talking on the phone so there is more time to think of the response and take a minute. |
No more phone conversations, try zoom or in person only | Introduce a new response, say thank you and move on |
Ask the parent to what they think first before giving ideas | Ask permission to share your ideas and remind them that you’re collaborating |
put phone on mute | choose to listen first and ask questions |
Responding defensively | Have the parent modify their approach or change by asking if there is anything the person may want or need help with. |
take the call in a different environment | |
takes the call in a different environment | |
introduce a novelty pause ritual that interrupts the automatic reaction and gives your brain a new, more intentional response pathway. | Environmental antecedent manipulations |
Before answering the call, the adult could keep a written “pause card” or a reminder note that says “listen first” to introduce novelty into the routine. Another option is to change the conversation setting ( use speakerphone while seated comfortably, or take the call while walking) to disrupt the automatic defensive response. | Implement self-monitoring with reinforcement: track the number of defensive responses per call and provide self-reinforcement ( praise, preferred activity) for reduced instances. Additionally, differential reinforcement of alternative behavior (DRA) could be used: reinforcing calm, goal-directed responses instead of defensive ones |
Have discussions face to face | Role playing scenarios |
ask a question or give choices | |
Tell them I will get back to you | Record how many instances you do that |
The parent should compliment the adult on something they have done. | Learn to listen to the criticism, focus on where it's coming from (a place of caring). |
Have the adult ask the parent questions. | Have the adult take data on themselves and their behavior. |
Eliminate having the conversations over the phone. | An intervention that can be added is asking the parent if you can provide feedback or lead with empathy. |
Pre-scripted responses. | self-monitoring |
Immediately start the conversation with a statement saying, "I do not need a suggestion". | Immediately change the subject and talk about something the adult enjoys avoiding an aversive one. |
Ask if they are open to discussing feedback and use compliments before and after. | Reward switching to another topic or neutral responses to feedback. |
only make suggestions in person | positive reinforcement for accepting advice |
Change the setting of the call by using speakerphone while walking outside or sitting in a different room to create a new association with the conversation. | Pause before responding, take a deep breath, and restate the parent’s comment to confirm understanding before offering a response. |
Teach to the defensive person to ask a follow up question on why the other parent is making that suggestion or hint. | Ensuring they're are receiving appropriate feedback about their f/u question. |
Change phone conversations to video chats. | Place defensive responding on extinction and differentially reinforce appropriate responding. |
Bring up something else and talk about that for a while before talking about the concerns | Reinforce being open and talking. Either provide praise and gratitude |
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